Conundrum

What do you get when an unstoppable force encounters an immoveable object? We’ll find out at tomorrow night’s little league game when the 3-0 Cubs face the 3-0 Mets.  Should be epic.

Convergence of Calamity and Opportunity

I’m writing tonight, as usual, from my living room but tonight the setting is far more cavernous and echo inducing.  The acoustics have changed because the furnishings have dwindled to two lawn chairs and the TV cabinet.  Yesterdays lice sighting was followed by an intense period of people decontamination and house cleansing. 

Earlier in the day we had received word of an opportunity for a sideways couch acquisition and when it was time to vacuum and treat our current couches the memory of the opportunity bubbled to the surface and rather than swabbing the sofas we carried them to the curb and hollowed out our living room in preparation for the new constituents.

I also got some new sideways shirts today.  Great, great, great.

Rough Life

These guys have it bad.  All of their life they are hated and scorned for their very existence.  For many the thought of these guys makes their skin crawl. And when they are discovered living in our neighborhoods the reaction is swift and severe. 

At first detection there is often brief doubt with thoughts such as, “surely not in my neighborhood” which follow by the enigmatic combination of acceptance and denial.  “If they are here now one of those other neighbors must have brought them in.” Soon, however, energy previously rationed for outrage is reallocated toward extermination.

Chemical warfare followed by intense systematic sweeps for the survivors and additional biochemical attacks. Patrols continue for weeks as complacency may breed a more insidious and resistant infestation than was brought on with the initial contact with the parasitic vermin.

As paranoia increases alerts radiate to anyone who may have unknowingly harbored the fugitives to new and unsuspecting territories. And then the waiting begins. Waiting for any further sign, any nit, egg or louse.

Donuts in the Kitchen

Really it all comes down to good planning. Assess the current situation in light of the available assets and the upcoming risks and opportunities. Apply your knowledge of local resources to the upcoming timetable.  Act swiftly and decisively in order to allocate the supplies needed. Eat the donuts in the morning when you wake up. Not a bad position to be in. 

Nothing for Something

Super busy kids have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it. 

Orangutans learning to communicate through an iPad.  Good thing they’re not using a Galaxy because it might force close the app then the apes might get pissed.

Homework until 10 and wanting to do more.  Ask to get up early to finish project.

School is out in about a month.

The dog barks at the cars while the feet bark at the stander.

To ensure hits keep your head on the ball, but be sure to wear a helmet because we don’t want any injuries.

3 for 1

Tonight I wrote three lineups for tomorrow’s game. The first went unfinished for over an hour because I couldn’t make it work.  My challenge is in balancing relatively equal playing time with fielding a competitive team while giving everyone a chance to play infield a few times during the game. 

The second lineup was produced by the recognition that there’s an app for that.  After a brief search of the Market my lovely wife found and downloaded an app for generating lineups that balance playing time and bench time.  The computer did a decent job of distributing playing time and provided enough control to assign pitchers and catchers.  However, where it excelled in efficiency it lacked in the human element (as you might expect from a mindless computer with limited data available). This lineup could have worked but it left us exposed in ways defensively that would have made us less competitive and put players in positions they were not ready for.

The third lineup started with a very systematic distribution of bench time. This method benched one player from the top, middle and bottom thirds of the batting order. In this way I was guaranteed to have a balanced team on the field and avoided having to schedule an inning where “I had to” bench two top players to avoid over sitting the middle and bottom players.  Pitchers and catchers went in after the bench positions then shortstop and first base followed by second third and the outfield positions.  This was a nice way to get the kids evenly distributed while still having a bit more control on the positions and personnel filling each role.  This method was pretty good but I fear its mechanical nature has led me to miss something that I’ll have to either endure or question and adjust in the middle of the game. And as I’ve told my team, it’s best to not ask me questions during the game because there is just too much to think about to think. 

Solution

Usually a medium Blizzard doesn’t fill me up and I’m left wanting more.  I have a really hard time justifying the outrageous cost of a large blizzard but I found a very nice solution to the too small medium problem: Get a chili dog too and eat that first. Problem solved.

If you want to do more reading tonight and are craving proof that robots won’t be taking over the written word any time soon check this story out undoubtedly written by a human.